Yesterday, a Facebook user, E. Onoriode, shared a post on his page enlightening Nigerians about rape and how the Nigerian law treats rape cases.
A lady who read his post reached out to him asking if she can sue a man she met on facebook. The said man had invited her to see him in Abuja.
On getting to the hotel, he disclosed to her that he was married. She asked him to leave the hotel immediately and return to his wife because she does not like getting involved with married men.
The man said he had already told his wife that he was going for a seminar. They both stayed in the hotel. When he was to have sex with her, she refused but later allowed him because he threatened her. This continued for the days she stayed with him in the hotel and after every sex, he would take her out for shopping. She said she couldn’t return to her base in Port Harcourt because she had no money on her. She is now asking if she can sue him for rape.
Based on my yesterday post on rape, a girl inboxed me to know if she can sue a man for rape because according to her story, she didn’t consent to the sex.
Read our chat.
“She: “Good evening sir, pls, I read ur update abt rape and it got me so confused. I will like to knw if I can sue for rape if a man forced his way to have sex with me without my consent? ”
Me: “Yes, you can sue for rape if a man force his way on you without your consent”
She: “Thank u sir. Can I explain wht really happen to me so that u can advise me on how to go abt it?”
Me: “You’re free and I’m reading.”
Me: “Should in case I stopped replying you as we’re chatting, just know that I’m busy. I will attend to your messages once I’m less busy.”
She: “Ok. No problem sir”
She: “Abt four months ago, I met a guy on Facebook and we became close friends. He was a very nice guy to me all throughout the period of our online relationship”
Me: “…..he ‘WAS’ a very nice guy to you… That means he stopped being nice to during or after the relationship?”
She: “Hmmmm let me finish the story. You will understand what I mean.”
Me: “It’s ok. I’m reading”
She: “Somehow I and the guy started dating and exchanging nude pictures and we also had phone sex on several occasions. The guy is based in Abuja while am based in PH.”
She: “One day, he invited me to see him at Abuja where he’s based, that’s after about four months of our online relationship. He paid for my flight ticket frm PH to Abuja.”
Me: “Wow! This is getting interesting. Before you left PH for Abuja, was there any agreement between the two of you?”
She: “I don’t understand sir”
Me: ” I mean before you traveled to Abuja, did you guys discuss anything about sex or was the visit a mutual visit?”
She: “Yes, we do have phone sex and he always tell me how he will handle me if we see. Truth is that I know he wants to have sex with me that’s why he invited me to Abuja. And I do wish same too. But what happen was that when I got to Abuja, he lodged me in an hotel. I became worried because that’s not what we agreed before I left PH. I then asked him why he lodged me in an hotel instead of taking me to his house. That’s when I realized he’s a married man. I became so disappointed and angry. We quarried seriously that day for concealing his marital status to me. He begged me seriously to forgive him but I was too angry to look at his face. The whole love I have for him died immediately. Sir, I have not dated a married man in my life and I never wished to date one. But I was surprise he didn’t tell me he was married until that day.”
Me: “So all through the four months of your relationship with this man, you didn’t ask him of his relationship status?”
She: “I’ve asked him severally but he always ignore the question with various excuses that am too inquisitive”
Me: “So what happened in the hotel”
She : “That day at the hotel when I discovered he’s married, he told me he told his wife that he’s traveling to Lagos for five days seminar. That means he want to spend the five days with me in the hotel. I became more angry because if am in his wife shoes, I won’t be happy that another woman is spending time with my husband in an hotel room. So I told him to go back home to his wife but he refused that he had already paid for the hotel room for five days and he had packed his luggage’s to be with me for five days and that he can’t go home until after five days”
Me: ” I’m still here reading. Just continue.”
She : “Ok. So that night, after taking my bath, as I was applying cream on my body, he came to me that he want to have sex with me but I refused and we argued about it till mid night. When he realized I was serious, he respected my decision and went to bed angrily. The following day, he took me out for shopping to clam me down but I was still angry with him. In the evening, he told me he want to share the bathroom with me and I refused. He went to the bathroom and took his bath alone. After I had taken my own bath, immediately I stepped out of the bathroom, he grabbed me, and told me he will break my hand if I don’t allow him to have his way. I was so scared due to rge look in his eyes. His behavior was frightening so I allowed him have his way. As he was having sex with me, I kept begging him to stop but he refused. Truth is that, I didn’t consent to the sex but he forced his way and raped me. I bruised seriously in my vagina. I was crying when he was on me but he didn’t stop. That night, I wasn’t myself.”
Me: “So what action did you take after that incident? ”
She: “I couldn’t do anything because I don’t know anywhere in Abuja. Though, he apologized to me that night but he still repeated it again in the morning. And that was how he kept raping me till I left for PH”
Me: “So during this period where he was raping you, were you tied in the hotel room? Did you have access outside the hotel room? Why did you remain in the hotel with your rapist? Who did you inform in the hotel that you’re being raped by one of their customer? Who paid for your TF back to PH?”
She: “Am confused sir. Actually, I have access outside the hotel and I do go to the pool daily to swim and we go out to the supermarket on few occasions together to buy things. But why I remained in the hotel was because I don’t know anybody in Abuja and I don’t have TF to take me back to PH from Abuja”
Me: “I’d tell you the truth, as long as we are in Nigeria, you can file for rape if you so wish but if what you told me is what you’d tell your lawyer or Police, you won’t win the case. In fact, the Police and lawyers will laugh at you. This is because you claimed the man raped you yet, you remained with your rapist in the same hotel room for days for him to keep raping you. You can’t tell me that in that hotel, there’s nobody to complain to. Yet, you kept quiet and remained in the hotel with him even though you’re not tied or locked in the room. You have free access to and fro the hotel yet, you still went back to the room to meet your rapist.
My advise is that you should learn from this incident because you don’t have a genuine case. That’s the painful truth”
A heated argument ensued in the comment section, read some of the responses below: